AvyStn Profile

Avy

Join Date:
2011-02-07

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Latest Blog Posts

  • Mannequins
    on Dec 1, 2016 in Death Dreams Henry Paris Philipp Plein
    Thursday afternoon, I'm in the Luxembourg Garden writing postcards to friends I lost a lifetime ago. The air smells of spring and graveyards, I'm the only one in sight wearing all black (and Philipp Plein stiletto heels). Asian tourists in beige park...
  • Rive Gauche
    on Aug 24, 2016 in Death Father Lolita Los Angeles
    I let him fuck me occasionally as long as I can pretend like his hands are someone else's or even my own. Also, he brings me opium in little brown paper bags and lets me smoke it in bed afterwards. She sits quietly on a chair in the corner of the roo...
  • Petit monstre
    on Jul 28, 2016 in Los Angeles Marlies Dekkers Mother
    I'm slowly gathering my thoughts behind closed blinds and sheer curtains. They help me keep my bedroom cool so I can sleep through these melting summer nights. I wear too much clothes in bed and drink too many bottles of wine in the mornings, but it'...
  • Hollywood youth
    on Jul 4, 2016 in Los Angeles
    I've been writing and rewriting this post a million times but I'm struggling to find the right words (or any words at all). I've been anxious my whole life but this nagging feeling is something new. I'm afraid of the dark and the light, of shadows an...
  • Behind enemy lines
    on Jun 16, 2016 in Death
    She knocks on my door at 6 PM, far less distinctively than I thought she would. I haven't seen her in days, just him in his bone white linen pants and Paisley shirt, hiding those subtle glances behind a pair of shades from the early 70's.She keeps he...
  • I like you a lot
    on Jun 6, 2016 in Lolita
    I rented a car and went away for a while, looking for something I hadn't already seen. Story of my life I guess. I found nothing and came back unmoved to the house and the young French couple and my afternoon hours in the sun.The height of summer is...
  • Falling down
    on May 7, 2016 in Chloe Death Father Los Angeles
    Even though we're on the edge of the ocean I'm the only one here that never goes swimming. It's not that I'm afraid of the currents or the waves, I just don't trust myself. When I was little in LA, even before my father died, I would go as far out to...
  • Farewell to arms
    on May 1, 2016 in Vodka
    He calls me "l'américaine" because he's dying to fuck me but doesn't want her to know. She sees him looking at me and calls me "la putain" because she feels threatened. I've never spoken to them but I hear them arguing through the walls almost every...
  • Fire and salt
    on Apr 24, 2016 in Belle Carl Chloe
    The season here smells of flowers and dust but no salt though we're close to the ocean. Miramar was very different, at least in that sense.My neighbors, the young French couple, leave with lightly packed bags every weekend, early in the morning or ju...
  • Homework
    on Apr 13, 2016 in Death Marlies Dekkers
    The young couple next door. Teasing him is too easy but I don't do it for him. It teases her too but this is strictly for myself, so I'll remember what holding back when I want something really felt like. I've done it before but not as of lately, so...
  • Our honeymoon
    on Apr 9, 2016 in Henry Los Angeles S
    I have two neighbors here, an elderly lady and a French couple in their late twenties. The boy is handsome, he could do better than her but holds her hand and calls her chéri as if he's really in love.He came by one day asking for a screwdriver (not...
  • Resurrection
    on Mar 29, 2016 in Father Mother
    Every time it rains in the morning it feels like the first day of fall.I'm still afraid of switching my phone on to see if he's written or called. I've stopped checking my e-mails and keep asking people in the village if they've ever heard of Avy Sta...
  • Closer than ever before
    on Mar 8, 2016 in Art
    I'm renting an apartment somewhere along a quiet coastline, just to remember what it was like to be alone. There's a small marina nearby but no yachts, just fishing boats and seagulls and abandoned restaurants. I can see parts of it from the little F...
  • So we beat on
    on Feb 7, 2016 in Father Florence S
    Florence was beautiful in a different way than I remembered. I'm somewhere else now, far away from him and the guilt, S kept me with her for almost a month. "I came for a wedding but stayed for the funeral" she said when we parted at the train statio...
  • The stars look very different today
    on Jan 14, 2016 in Death Florence Henry S
    I escaped to Florence and have been hiding here for fourteen days like a deserter. I went to the airport without packing while he was out buying us breakfast, turned off my phone and got on a plane to see S for New Year's. I haven't checked my Facebo...
  • Without any fearI used to love Christmas, now it just reminds me of hospitals.We celebrated together, the two of us alone. He got me jewelry from Dolce & Gabbana, I got him that splatter-print Balenciaga sweater he wanted. We took a late walk through empty stree...
  • Let's embrace the point of no return
    on Dec 15, 2015 in Death Dreams
    I went through his coat pockets looking for cigarettes and found something he wrote on the back of a restaurant tab (oysters at Régis). He wrote whenever we're out together I know she'll eventually disappear from me. I go to the bathroom and leave h...
  • Les jours tristes
    on Nov 22, 2015 in Paris
    I used to hate Paris, but it might have had more to do with him than with anything else. I somehow learned to appreciate it, to look past the flaws and the inconsistencies. I learned to feel at home in Saint Germain, to walk down Boulevard Raspail no...
  • All I want is you
    on Nov 1, 2015 in Death Dreams Givenchy Henry Paris
    For Halloween we're invited to a party in Montmartre, friends from his Sorbonne class that I've never even heard of. He needs me to dress up as the most intimidating thing imaginable: "An H&M girl".We're on our way out when l tell him I can't be...
  • End of the earth
    on Oct 18, 2015 in Dreams Henry Paris
    I've never been to Finistère, Henry says it's beautiful. He promises we'll go there some day, to see the lighthouses and cathedrals and the quiet little fishing villages along the coastline. It's one of those things we plan to do and the way we live...
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